ADD ADHD: Raising Happy, Godly Kids

This blog article is not about child psychology. It is not like the pragmatic approaches to parenting a child labeled ADHD. I am not proposing a new method.  Instead, my goal is to present the principles of biblical parenting as it pertains to the behaviors associated with the label ADHD. 

I am convinced that if Christian parents understand, apply the simple principles set forth in Scripture they can bring their children up in a way that honors Christ. This is not to imply that parents with children labeled with ADHD are bad parents.  It could simply be these parents are not aware of two things. First, what the Bible has to say about these behaviors. Second, how to help their children change.

ADD ADHD: God’s Design

I do not think children should not be seen as a hardship. All children, even those labeled with ADD ADHD, are blessed gifts from God. They are to grace our lives with fulfillment, meaning, and happiness.  Parenthood is God’s gift to us.

Even in a fallen world children are living proof of God’s love and mercy.  Adam and Eve’s rebellion toward God occurred before they had conceived any children. Nevertheless, God preserved them and permitted Adam and Eve to fulfill the command given before the fall; “Be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28).  

In these words God would set in motion a plan of redemption. A plan embracing “a great multitude which no one could count, from every nation and all tribes and peoples and tongues” (Revelation 7:9). Adam and Eve’s children embodied the hope that fallen sinners could be redeemed.

Adam and Eve recognized children as God’s blessing to them. Eve said when Cain was born, “I have gotten a man from the Lord” (Genesis 4:1 KJV). Once again Eve bore a son and said, “For God hath appointed me another seed” (Genesis 4:25). Even the children of unbelievers are tokens of God’s blessings. “As for Ishmael… I will bless him.” How will God bless Ishmael? God will “make him fruitful and multiply him exceedingly” (Genesis 17:20).

ADD ADHD: It Is the Parents Duty

God has given parents the duty of raising their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Delegating that duty to schoolteachers, peers, or child-care workers is wrong. Parents must involve themselves in their children’s lives.

Parenting is time consuming (Deuteronomy 6:6-7). It is not an easy assignment. The difficulty comes when parents fail to follow the simple principles set forth by God. In neglecting their God given duty they forfeit the blessing inherent in parenting. Parenting then becomes a burden God never meant for them to bear.

Raising children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord does not always guarantee our parenting will succeed. But isn’t Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way that he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” a promise? Does it promise that if parents raise their child in the Lord the child will remain faithful? 

ADD ADHD: The Answer Is No

  The answer is no, it is not a promise. Verse 4 says, “The reward of humility and the fear of the Lord are riches, honor and life.” However, Proverbs 22:6 is not a guarantee.  Everyone who is humble and fears God does not become rich. Some are poor, persecuted and not honored.

Most people are products of their upbringing. However, there are occasionally exceptions. We have all heard stories about children raised in godly homes that later abandoned their faith and grieved their parents. 

On the other hand, we have heard about godly children whose parents are ungodly and neglectful. Statistically speaking, children influenced by godly parents are more likely to remain faithful than children who grow up in homes where Christ is not honored. 

ADD ADHD: Wise Saying of Proverbs

The book of Proverbs contains wise sayings. But the wise sayings are not necessarily absolutes.  They are not true in every instance. The true measure of parenting has to do with what the parent does and not what the child does.  The focus and true measure of success is the character of the parents.  Children are quick to understand and will imitate what they see and hear. An affectionate and conscientious parent is a powerful influence in a child’s life.

Children observe their parent’s conduct.  By that conduct, a child’s character may be purified or contaminated.  For example, a parent wants their child to always be truthful.  However, if the child hears their mother and father tell lies, the child will learn to tell lies. By their example, parents are however unwittingly, molding their child’s minds, habits, and character. To the level that parents have followed God’s plan for parenting they have succeeded as parents in the eyes of God.

Children have an intellect. They are thinking beings and examine and judge what they see and hear. Parents must involve themselves and must take great pains in instructing their children. This will ensure no other influences take precedence. For a parent to complain that their son or daughter’s failures are the fault of their peers is shifting the blame. The parents themselves are to blame. They allow others to influence their children more than they have themselves.

ADD ADHD: Parents Objection

Some parents may object, roll their eyes. They insist that it is unrealistic to expect them to have more influence on their children than the child’s peer group. However, the truth as to why peer groups have influenced children to the degree they have is because parents neglect their parental role God has required of them.

They have invested less time in teaching their children. Television, movies, music, the internet, video games, and other children have become the main source of their children’s spiritual, moral, and ethical instruction.

God has made parenting a full-time responsibility. Some parents talk about spending “quality time” with their children. This means they have set aside several hours during the week to spend on parenting. This violates the spirit of Deuteronomy 6:7. It guarantees outside influences will have a great effect in shaping the children’s character.

ADD ADHD: God’s Command To Parents

God solemnly charged parents: “These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up” (Deuteronomy 6:6-7).

Children are sinners. Parents must recognize the mournful fact. If they fail to recognize this sad reality, they will fail in their attempts to educate them.  Children possess selfish spirits. Self is king in their lives. How strongly they resemble their fallen parents!

A child may become a slave to ungodly passions and desires unless he or she is instructed in Biblical truth,  Wickedness will reign in his heart. However, God gives children tender and supple hearts that can be molded. Enlightened by God’s Word, children can differentiate between right and wrong. A child can learn to be responsible toward God and neighbor.

ADD ADHD: Facts Change Everything

Have you ever had this kind of experience?  You become angry, upset, or happy about a particular event. Later, you discovered an important fact that changed your perception of the event.   For example, let’s say you are standing in a crowded hallway following the Sunday morning worship service. You are waiting for your wife.  You notice Frank Smith hurriedly making his way through the crowd. He passes you and steps on your foot. He doesn’t acknowledg his rude behavior. Frank dashes out the door, leaving you with a sore foot and hurt feelings. You share the incident with your wife.  Frank’s thoughtless behavior upset them both.

 

Later in the week, Frank calls you at your office.  He tells you how sorry he is for stepping on your foot last Sunday morning. However, he goes on to explain how he had not been feeling well that morning. When the service ended, he had become very sick. He needed to get outside quickly. Suddenly, your perception of the event changed. You had all the facts and understood the reason for Frank’s behavior.

Imagine for a moment a country that drugs six million children with powerful substances to control behavior. And parents are told their children are victims of a “brain disease”. A disease that causes them to act inappropriately.  A disease that, if not treated immediately, could produce a lifetime of failure, disappointment, and underachievement. 

The parents frightened by such prospects are given “good news”. There is a safe and mild drug to alleviate the symptoms inflicting havoc in their child’s brain. If the magic pill works and calms the child down, then it proves he had the disease after all.

Laying the Ground for ADD ADHD

The view that states man is like an animal, a collection of genes, chemicals and stimulus-response behaviors, laid the groundwork for attention deficit disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, and a host of other “diseases.”  Years ago the symptoms associated with these “disorders” were viewed much differently.  They were viewed for what they truly were. 

The problem was lack of self-motivation if little Archie was reluctant to engage in tasks that required sustained mental effort, made careless mistakes, or did not do his homework.   

If he was fidgety, squirmed in his chair, and wouldn’t remain seated he was viewed as lacking self-control

If he interrupted others and didn’t wait his turn the root problem was poor self-discipline.  

Archie was said to be disobedient when he behaved in a defiant way and would not comply with rules and requests. 

He was said to have a bad attitude  if he pouted, was resentful, and vindictive. Lying, stealing and hitting others was sinful. 

Archie was expected to behave responsibly.  If he behaved irresponsibly, his teacher, school principal, Mom and Dad would teach him to be responsible.

ADD ADHD: Children Can Control Themselves?

In America today, with psychology deeply rooted in Western thought, children are no longer considered to be capable of volitional control over their actions, attitudes, or thoughts.  Their behaviors are said to be beyond their control, affected by hereditary, so-called biochemical imbalances in the brain, food additives, television, or even DPT inoculation.  Their lack of self-discipline, self-control and self-motivation, disobedience, and bad attitudes are defined as diseases.

It is my intention to help Christian parents who are floundering in the quagmire of unbiblical and contradictory ideas fed to them concerning ADD ADHD. Many advocates claim ADHD is a brain disease. Opponents, many of which are world renowned psychologists, psychiatrists and neurologists are denying its very existence.  It is not a denial of the behaviors. Rather it is a denial the behaviors are caused by a disease.

The Biblical model is more than one more “model” or conceptual system to deal with ADHD. My goal when I talk with parents is to help them see Biblical truth they have not seen before. When they do, it changes the way they think about the label ADD ADHD.

Instead of humanistic psychology they will see Christian theology…, a Person. In place of “disease” I talk about sinful behavior against that Person. Sufferings are trials that reveal our need for comfort and a Comforter. Change must be defined as putting off sinful habits and replacing them with Christ-like habits. And not defining change in unjustified psychological or medical terms 

ADD ADHD:Turmoil in the Family 

The pressures, difficulties, and at times embarrassment that parents go through with a child labeled ADHD are in many cases overwhelming. An entire household is oftentimes thrown into turmoil.  Family members become divided against one another. Other children in the family may feel ignored or neglected.  The one child and the chaos he or she creates is the focus. 

Parents respond with a level of anger they would not have thought possible. They react with accusations and ultimatums.  In addition, they may become confused and frustrated because of all the fad theories and sure cures that have disappointed them. They oftentimes feel at a loss to know how best to help their child.

Prayer is a never-failing remedy and comfort to these parents. Sometimes their only solace is when they are on their knees praying to God.  However, parents need to realize there are times when prayer is not enough. There are even times when praying is not the thing to do.

ADD ADHD: Prayer Is Not Enough!

Moses was on his knees praying God would deliver His people. Then the Lord said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to Me?” (Exodus 14:15). God was saying to Moses; Moses this is not the time for prayer. It is the time for action “Tell the sons of Israel to go forward” (Exodus 14:15).

There comes a time when praying parents must take godly action.  When faith, having sought God’s help and received it, rises, and boldly marches on. Do not continue to pray and wait and pray and wait. Do not keep worrying and talking about it. Move forward!

Archie’s parents must commit themselves to teach, rebuke, correct, and train Archie in righteousness (2 Timothy 3:16; Deuteronomy 6:5-9; Ephesians 6:4).  Changing years of habitual behavior will take patience on their part. Mom and dad cannot be cold, or lukewarm in their effort to help Archie put-off and put-on. They must be boiling with holy enthusiasm.   Forward, forward, forward is the motto. Christlikeness is the goal for themselves and Archie.

ADD ADHD: All Things Work Together

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28). The key words in the verse are “work together.”

It is hard to discern the picture of a puzzle when only a few pieces are in place. When most or all the pieces are in their proper place the picture is clear. God has a plan for you and your child. Yes, He is at work in your circumstances.  However, we usually don’t realize immediately the good God is doing.  Believers only see a very small part of the puzzle. 

This is an opportunity for parents to minister to their children and to be part of what God is doing in their life. They must never allow themselves or their child to believe God is distant and uninvolved. The Bible teaches God is near and active in their lives. Every moment is a God moment.How to Respond When Your Child is Labelled with a Psychiatric Diagnosis