Grief: A Visitor In Every Home 

In the little village of Bethany there lived an unmarried man named Lazarus, and his sisters, Mary and Martha. This happy family loved the Lord Jesus Christ. Sadly, “man is born to trouble” illness comes, and grief is a regular visitor to every home. We read that Lazarus is mortally sick.  His sister’s first thought is to send a message to Jesus. A word from their dear Friend would restore their brother to health. 

Upon hearing of Lazarus’ condition Jesus sends back a comforting answer, “This sickness is not unto death.” However, poor Lazarus does not recover. Lazarus dies and his sisters grieve over his corpse.

When Jesus arrived in Bethany, he found that Lazarus had died. He had been placed in a tomb. A stone was rolled over the entrance. Worse he had been dead for four days and had become putrid. Jesus stood at the entrance of the tomb and a wave of emotions stirred His heart. There was the anger at the powers of darkness, grief for Lazarus’ bereaved sisters, sorrow over the Jews who stood by in unbelief, and the disquieting realization of a fallen world and the consequences, death.

Grief: “Jesus Wept”

The Lord’s indignation was aroused. His whole nature was distressed. However, He did not speak threatening words, nor pronounce curses and judgments. His inward disturbance of heart was evident to all. His tears began to flow; “Jesus wept.”

The Scriptures record others that wept. Abraham, when he buried his precious Sarah, wept; Jacob wept and prevailed over the angel, we continually read of David that he wept. David and his friend Jonathan wept together. It says of Hezekiah that he wept sore, and of Josiah that he wept over the sins of Judah. Jeremiah wept and earned the title of weeping prophet.

The list could go on and on. With all the sin and sorrow in our fallen world, you would not be surprised, that it could be said of any man or woman, “he wept” or “she wept.”   The world is filled with sorrow and grief. Is there anyone who has not wept? Amazingly, it can be said of the sinless Son of God; “He wept.”

“Jesus wept” is proof that He took upon Himself our nature; He was truly man. Born of a woman; He ate, drank, slept. hungered, thirsted, and grew weary. Jesus took upon Himself our humanity, but without sin. The fact our Lord wept demonstrated he had human friendships.

Grief: Jesus’ Love Made Him Weep

There is nothing more natural to men than they have friends that they love. Jesus was truly human in His sympathies. He came to the tomb and saw Mary, Martha. They along with others were weeping. Jesus was moved by their grief. Jesus wept. His first love was His Father in heaven, but He loved the ones His Father had chosen and His sympathy toward them had no limits. It does not mean when Jesus wept he got teary eyed. The word means the tears flowed freely. He wept openly. His love made Him weep.

Jesus wept with the full knowledge that His friend Lazarus was safe and in a better place. Moreover, Jesus knew He was going to raise Lazarus from the dead; yet “He wept.”

Grief Is Not a Sign of Little Faith

I have heard well-meaning believers try to comfort a friend who has lost a loved one by saying, “Your loved one will rise again;” or “they are safe and happy now” and therefore, “do not weep for them”. Why shouldn’t we weep for a loved one even though they are safe and in a better place; “He wept.”

It is not a sign of little faith to weep for a departed friend. Jesus with full knowledge of where Lazarus was, knowing He would soon raise him up, and with full assurance that Lazarus’ death glorified the Father, wept.

It is not a sin to weep for one that God has taken. There was no sin in Christ weeping. He wept, but He did not murmur and become angry. Jesus wept in sweet submission and not rebellion to His Father.

Jesus is our fellow-sufferer, and this should be a great comfort to us as we consider the subject of grief. When we go to Him in our grief, we find One who knows what it means to mourn, and have His heart broken.  Jesus is “A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief” therefore, a solace to us when we grieve (Isaiah 53:3). You weep, my brother my sister, in good company for your Lord wept.

Grief May Become Sinful

Edith, a sixty-eight-year-old widow, came to me for grief counseling. Her husband, Archie, had died almost two years earlier. Shortly after Archie died Edith attended a twelve week “grief recovery” program at her church. When the program ended Edith enrolled in the same recovery program at another church. In the nearly two years after Archie’s death Edith had attended seven grief recovery programs in her area. She said the programs really helped her. I asked if the programs helped why she made an appointment with me for grief counseling. 

Individual, group counseling or a group recovery program will usually help a person feel better.  The camaraderie of the group is comforting. However, when the twelve weeks ended Edith, as is common in nearly all similar situations, fell back into her habit of grieving. That is why Edith went from one recovery program to the next. As long as she was in counseling or a recovery program she felt better.

It is not sinful to grieve for those God has taken away from us however, grief may become sinful. Grief is sinful when it immobilizes a person, and they are not doing what God obligates them to do. That was Edith’s case. Like those who are depressed, anxious or fearful people who are grieving, may fall into a habit of inactivity. They complain they have no energy, drive or, enthusiasm to do routine tasks. They will say, “I just can’t get going,” or “I have so much I need to do. Where do I start?” They will often leave chores half done.  It may take them hours and even days to accomplish everyday jobs such as the laundry or cleaning the house.  

God Rebukes Samuel for Excessive Grieving

Samuel did not see Saul again until the day of his death; for Samuel grieved over Saul. And the Lord regretted that He had made Saul king over Israel. 1 Samuel 15:35

The Israelites demanded a king to rule over them. God, through the prophet Samuel, warned them a king would bring them misery nevertheless, God granted their request. Samuel anointed Saul king over Israel.

In the beginning it appeared Saul was the perfect choice for a king. He was handsome, strong, tall and by all appearances virtuous. Sadly, Saul’s reign would be tragic and tumultuous. Saul was more of a “politician” who cared more about his image than his character. He cared more about what people thought of him than what God thought. He was a self-centered, jealous and deceitful man that did all he could to cling to power and prestige.

“How Long Will You Grieve?”

“And the Lord regretted that He had made Saul king over Israel” (1 Samuel 15:35). In spite of all the trouble and turbulence of Saul’s reign Samuel grieved over Saul until the day Saul died.

Now the Lord said to Samuel, “How long will you grieve over Saul, since I have rejected him from being king over Israel? Fill your horn with oil and go; I will send you to Jesse the Bethlehemite, for I have selected a king for Myself among his sons.” 1 Samuel 16:1

God rebuked Samuel for excessive grieving, “How long will you grieve?” The passage does not tell us exactly how long Samuel grieved over Saul. I do believe the words “how long” imply it must have been over an extended period. Perhaps he grieved for months, or longer, a year.

Grief “Recovery” Programs

Many “recovery” programs inflame and perpetuate the very problem that led to the person joining the group. For example, Edith was surrounded by others who grieved. They told of their common experience of nursing a dying loved one; the funeral, loneliness and difficulties adjusting to life on their own. Shared their stories and photos of memorable times; birthdays, anniversaries and vacations. Encouraged one another to “go ahead and cry,” and “let it all out.” Sometimes, Edith said, she would come home after the meeting emotionally exhausted. The continuous focus on grief led to a cycle of excessive grieving for which God had rebuked Samuel.

With great hope Mary and Martha sent their message to Jesus of their sick brother. Jesus sent back His message of comfort, “This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God.” Lazarus did not recover. His sisters grieved and sobbed, “Why did Jesus not come quickly? Our Lord said, ‘This sickness is not unto death,’ but our beloved brother is cold and dead. How can Jesus’ words be true?

Grief: Why Was Jesus Glad?

“So Jesus then said to them plainly, Lazarus is dead. And I am glad for your sakes that I was not there, so that you may believe; but let us go to him.” John 11:14, 15

Jesus arrived too late. However, He was not sorry. Listen to our Lord’s words, “I am glad.”  His friend is dead, Mary and Martha are heart-broken, and Jesus is glad. The word “glad” seems so out of place. Lazarus had been dead for four days and his decaying body was foul, but Jesus is “glad.”

However God’s thoughts and ways are mountains above our thoughts and ways; Jesus knew something the sisters did not know. How many of us have wondered at the apparent silence of God when tragedy comes? We plead and pray to God. Silence! We pray some more. Silence! Our faith sits still waiting and wondering what God is up too. 

Jesus said, “I am glad for your sakes that I was not there, so that you may believe.” Jesus was not glad because of the sorrow, and grief. He was glad because of the result of it; “you may believe”

Our Lord puts such a high value on the faith of His people that He does not shield them from the trials and difficulties by which their faith grows stronger. Faith prospers when all things are against her. Faith is precious when it lives, thrives and triumphs in difficulty.

It is only as believers go through the fire of adversity do they know their own weakness. They would never know God’s strength and sympathy had He not supported them amid their suffering.

Grief and Faith

Faith is all talk if it is not tested. The more faith is tried the stronger it will be. However, I do not encourage anyone to go looking for trials to build up their faith; be sure trials will come in their own time. Be thankful for where you are now. Praise God for your small faith, walk in obedience and you will in time have more of God’s blessings.

I will tell you about one particular way Edith’s faith grew. At the end of counseling she had a greater love and faith in God’s Holy Word. Edith learned the Bible is sufficient for a sixty-eight-year-old woman who precious husband died. It showed her excessive grief was a sin. It showed her how to change to please God. Edith wanted to please God.

            We read, “Jesus wept” and then He said with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come forth.” Lazarus walked out of the tomb. What an exhibition of divine sympathy and power.

Embracing Grief

Suffreing and Grief