Self-Esteem, Self-Love, and Self-Image

Some of the most popular themes in psychology are self-image, self-esteem, self-worth, and self-love.  The emphasis, regardless of the terminology used by a particular advocate of this movement, is on self.

Then said Jesus unto His disciples, “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.” (Matthew 16:24).

Self-Esteem:  A Powerful Influence in the Church

Over the past twenty-five years the concept of esteeming oneself has had a powerful influence on the church. Before the 1970’s the subject of self-esteem was almost unheard of in evangelical circles.[1] Christians have generally thought of self-esteem as sinful. However, self-esteem is encouraged by beloved Christian authors. They tell us we need to develop a “healthy” self-esteem. 

These authors have warned that negative self-esteem is the basis of most psychological problems and that it even leads to sinful behavior. They have advanced the premise that an individual who does not love himself will find it impossible to develop genuine love relationships with God and others. The key that unlocks the door to fulfilment, success, and happiness is self-esteem. Self-esteem has been said to beIt is the proposed answer to nearly all of life’s problems.

If the advocates of self-esteem are right, then we must reform our theology. We must change our emphasis on man’s unworthiness and focus on man’s worthiness and his right to esteem himself. The church will need to recognize the tremendous significance that this teaching will have in the lives of individuals, pastors, parents, children, schoolteachers, and so on. Pastors will have a fundamental obligation to their congregations to instruct and nurture them in esteeming themselves.

One writer said, “What the church needs more than anything else, is a new reformation—nothing else will do! Without a new theological reformation, the Christian church as the authentic body of Christ may not survive. “[2] The author continued by saying that self-esteem is the universal hope for the church today. 

Do I Really Need Self-Esteem?

In this same vein, James Dobson has said, “…the health of an entire society depends on the ease with which its individual members can gain personal acceptance… Personal worth is not something human beings are free to take or leave. We must have it.  And when it is unattainable, everybody suffers.”[3] Therefore, for the sake of our children, our church, and primarily for ourselves, we must learn to love ourselves. Not cling to the past but change. Change the way we worship. Our parenting methods.

But if the advocates of self-esteem are wrong, then clearly the church’s fascination with self-esteem is heretical. Jesus called His followers to imitate Him in denying themselves: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me” (Matthew 16:24).

The cross, with all that it symbolizes, permeates and gives meaning and unity to all the ethical teachings of Jesus. [4] Jesus consistently tied together self-denial and the cross. Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, “When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die… In fact every command of Jesus is a call to die.”[5] Bonhoeffer continued by saying that the way of the cross is the path of every Christian. The antithesis of the cross is self-love. Therefore, selfism is classified as a “different gospel” (Galatians 1:6), opposed to the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Self-Esteem: Are We Really Better Than We Think?

Evangelicals have acceptanced the idea of self-love. Therefore, a more critical biblical examination of the concept of self-love is needed.  Most material on the subject has been written by the proponents of the self-love theory. Little has been written from a conservative theological point of view. Fortunately, the tide has begun to turn.

Many well-known Christian authors encourage us to develop “healthy” self-esteem. These books advance the premise that to love God and one’s neighbor; one must first love himself. They assert that the church has too often ignored this side of the “biblical” view of man and, as a result, has played a significant role in undermining the self-esteem of its members. Therefore, they say teaching self-esteem and helping Christians overcome their low self-images should be given priority in the church by pastors.

Christian self-esteem theorists claims must be tested by the Scriptures. Are their teachings based on a new exegesis of the Scriptures? If not, where did they originate?

Origin of the Self-Esteem Movement

The answer to that question is that they originated with secular humanists who studied man, not from the viewpoint of God’s Word, but from the subjective observation of self and by self.  Evangelicals then  incorporated those theories into the teachings of the church.

The main emphasis on self in the Bible is self-denial. The books written by self-theorists Christian and non-Christian seldom mentioned self-denial. Self-denial is at the very heart of Christianity. Without its exercise there can be no conversion, no holiness of life, and no service to our Master.

Love for self-motivates an individual to follow his own agenda, vent his feelings, justify self, and blame someone else or something else. He is self-oriented. However, Jesus taught and modeled self-denial over and against self-love.  Jesus’ focus was on God and one’s neighbor. He placed God’s will and the good of others ahead of His own. Jesus was other-oriented.

Was Jesus Against Self-Esteem and Self-Love

The love of God is antithetical to self-love. It is a sacrificial love.  The dissimilarity between Jesus’ focus and that of the self-esteem advocate is obvious. To be self-oriented is to walk in darkness. To be other-oriented is to walk in the light.

This blog, as with several of my books, is to examine representative samples of the words and actions of the Lord, in order to demonstrate that Jesus taught, and modeled self-denial as opposed to self-love. Whereas Jesus focused on God and neighbor, the self-esteem advocates focus on self. These two views, the other-oriented and the self-oriented, are incompatible with one another.

An individual cannot esteem himself and take up is cross at the same time. A man cannot serve two masters, for he will ultimately choose one over the other.

The Bible is the inerrant Word of God, which is able to make men wise. It is sufficient to help people who are struggling with life’s problems and does not need to be supplemented by so-called “truths” discovered through human investigation and observation.

Grief: The Christian Worldview

The Christian worldview is distinguished from all ohers is the commitment to a theocentric (God-centered) perspective on all of life and thought. Psychology, which is anthropocentric (man-centered) and humanistic, offers a faulty view of man. It depreciates the value of Christ’s work on the cross.

The Bible is the greatest book ever written on personality and behavior. Human wisdom cannot enhance God’s revelation. Just as Christ is utterly divine, so Christians are utterly sufficient in Him (Colossians 2:9-10). Theology and psychology cannot be integrated. And because of the sufficiency of Christ and His Word, they do not need to be integrated. (See Psalm 19:7-14 for one of the most magnificent statements on the sufficiency of Scripture.)

Self-Esteem: Walking In Darkness?

Jesus said, “Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness” (John 8:12).  By these words Jesus teaches us to imitate Him. In doing so, we will walk in the light of truth.

Man’s heart is deceitful and is the source of all his darkness and ignorance (Jeremiah 17:9). Sometimes men are deceived by other people. More often they are deceived by themselves. Self-deception, without a doubt, is the most common form of deception and the deadliest.

 

Grief: Always Start With Jesus 

Men do wrong because their heart lies to them. Jesus also said, “Learn from me” (Matthew 11:29). Here our Lord set forth a vital principle: we must always start with Him. If we start with ourselves, our opinions and theories, we will ultimately go wrong in all of our thinking about truth.  

Sin has corrupted and darkened the mind and heart of every person. Man cannot think straight. For this reason God has given us supernatural revelation in His Word. Man cannot reason his way to truth. [8Much of the trouble in the church today is due to the fact that we are so subjective, so interested in ourselves, so egocentric.

Martyn Lloyd-Jones said, “The starting point must always be God… The first answer of the gospel can always, in effect, be put in this way: Forget yourself and contemplate God.” So this is of supreme importance to us as we come to consider the whole question of self-esteem and self-love. The starting point must always be Jesus Christ and what He said, taught and modeled.

The Negative Behind Positive Thinking

[1] Paul Brownback, The Danger of Self-Love (Chicago: Moody Press, 1982), p. 12.

[2] Robert Schuller, Self-Esteem: The New Reformation (Dallas: Word Publishing, 1982), p. 25

[3] James Dobson Hide or Seek (Grand Rapids: Flemming H. Revell, 1971), pp. 20, 21

[4] T.B. Maston, Biblical Ethics (Cleveland: World Publishing Company, 1967), p. 162

[5] Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship, trans. and ed. R.H. Fuller (New York: Macmillan & Company, 1959), p. 79.